Tough Stuff: Homosexuality - Born This Way?

The Question:

This one's a biggie, and I hope to not only address it to the best of my ability in a single post but also help us move forward in the discussion in general:

Do you believe being gay is a choice or are you born with it?

This question relates directly to the controversy of the issue as a whole, which I discussed in part in my last post.

One of the reasons this topic is so hard to talk about and is so controversial is the fact that any attempt at disagreement with or attack on homosexuality as a lifestyle is often perceived as an attack on people themselves (rather than simply on the lifestyle and the actions associated with it). This (I think, in part at least) is because more and more people in our culture today believe that homosexuality is something that you did not choose, but rather it is a part of who you are (often, how you were born). Whether the believed cause is nature or nurture, fewer and fewer people are willing to say that being a homosexual is a choice. I’m going to first give nut-shell insights from science and neuroscience/psychology, then my own personal thoughts.

From what I understand, no science has yet shown that homosexuality is genetic or something that happens from birth. Apparently, and I’d believe it, the attempts are many - but to no avail. However, psychological and neuroscientific insights would suggest that it is something that can, over time, become part of one’s internal wiring. Anyone who knows anything about neurology knows that the brain makes neurological connections for many purposes. Connections in the brain between neurons become stronger the more those connections are used - hence why it’s easier to remember something after you’ve had to recall it hundreds of times. You barely have to think. I’m informed that it is something similar with what you might call a homosexually trained brain. Someone, perhaps at a young age, can begin with small homosexual thoughts or curiosities, and then over time their brain finds homosexualized thinking normal. Effectively, this could explain homosexual tendencies and could explain why many would say that it is not a choice but just how they are wired. In a way, they’re partly correct. So though they may not have been born that way, they find themselves attracted to the same sex quite intuitively, without having to think about it.

So what does this mean? It means that most people, when they try to make claims that they born homosexual, or opposingly, that it is indeed a choice, are in a general sense wrong. Our insights must go deeper.

Here are mine.

Homosexuality, if the above information continues to prove correct scientifically, is not exactly a choice, but not exactly not a choice either. Those thoughts that wire ones brain over time to train itself homosexually are not necessarily choices to become homosexual - but nonetheless they are brought about by the individual, and so the individual here is still somewhat responsible for how they find their brain wired. Therefore, we need to stop arguing over whether it’s a choice or if one is born with it. It would seem that neither is fully true, at least not in the sense that the masses seem to put forward.

“I didn’t choose to be this way…” a gay friend told me a few short months ago. I believed him. Why would he lie? He said he didn’t find women beautiful - inconceivable in my mind, but his mind is not mine. So what do we say then?

It seems simple enough to me. Not completely a choice, yet not something we’re necessarily born with - like a lot of things in life, if not most things. So in a way, it’s easy to see how people would believe that it’s a part of who you are or how you’re born, and in that mode of thinking one could think they are being attacked when they may or may not have been. But at the same time, if we applied this to the rest of the things in our lives (lifestyle choices, beliefs, etc), then we would never be able to have a respectful disagreement would we?

On the other hand, can we justify our actions and lifestyle choices simply because “it’s just who I am now”, or the fact that it might not have been a completely active choice? The clear answer is no. There is so much about us that we might not have wanted to come true in our lives (a brutal temper, bad habits, etc), but we cannot brush aside our responsibilities to own those things and deal with them. In fact, I would argue the same is true even if I am born a certain way. So, as the conversation moves forward, I think we need to stop justifying homosexuality simply on this sort of argumentation.

So to summarize:

1. Homosexuality, it appears, is not simply a choice and yet not how one is born (though we are sure to find developments in this area as we move forward) and;
2. Even if it was, we cannot justify it as morally correct simply on these bases.

Is that making sense? I’m not trying to end the debate here, but rather move the discussion forward, as I think that is helpful and healthy. On that note, here are some practical tips as we continue to engage each other in this discussion and elsewhere:

1. When you disagree with someone’s lifestyle choices or beliefs or whatever, you should not make the disagreement an attack on a person. This never helps anyone. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t say what you believe and be honest - but an honest, respectful disagreement (or even an honest plea with someone you think needs to change their ways or what have you) is not the same as an attack. Try and discern the differences.
2. No matter what you believe about yourself and who you are, you cannot take honest disagreement with your lifestyle (etc) as an attack on you - it isn’t! And if someone does attack, be the more mature person and don’t let immature comments or critiques derail your internal security. Help them see their mishap, if they will.
3. And as a general, all around awesome principle: seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Hopefully this helps us move forward in the conversation more clearly. And hopefully we can strive to be more informed about how a person’s sexual orientation finds its origins.

Sorry again for the length between posts! Hopefully you find this insightful and helpful.

Keep thinking.

Corey